Anatomy of a Query Letter
Elana RothHello one and all. Sorry for lapsing from the blog for a few days. I think the pitchfest burned me out more than I thought. But I am back, and fulfilling a promise for a post about query letters.
Query letters come in all shapes and sizes, most of them ill-fitting, clunky, or unhelpful. But every now and again you get a good one that has both the right shape and the right content. So I asked my client Eli Stutz, author of the forthcoming PICKLE IMPOSSIBLE, if I could use one of his letters. Now Eli actually queried me with another project first, which I read and considered, and while I was reading and considering, Eli finished a second book, which was the stronger project that we decided to move forward with. Even though we were already in touch, he wrote a second letter. And here it is:
Dear Ms. Roth,
A boy with a hidden power and the girl who was sent to stop him have 24 hours to win a pickle contest.
12-year-old Pierre La Bouche is a cornichon. That's French for 'pickle', but it also means 'good-for-nothing'. A middle child who gets straight C's, he's never been No. 1 at anything. When the family farm goes broke, grandfather Henri gives Pierre a mission: to save the farm by winning an international pickle contest.
En route to the contest, Pierre meets Aurore, the charming but less-than-truthful granddaughter of a rival farmer. She's been sent to ensnare Pierre, but after a wake up call from her conscience, she rescues him. Together, they navigate the ghostly Paris catacombs, figure out how to crash land a plane, and duel with a black-hearted villain who will stop at nothing to capture their pickles. In their most desperate hour, it is Pierre's incredible simplicity that saves the day. Always bickering but becoming friends, Pierre and Aurore discover that anything is possible, no matter how hard it may seem.
I KIDNAPPED THE PICKLE BOY is complete at 32,500 words. I'm a technical writer by day, optimistic novelist by night. Recently, I've interviewed a host of pickle makers and French natives. My own pickles are fermenting in the kitchen. I grew up in Toronto and live with my wife and children in Israel.
Thank you for your consideration. I hope to hear from you.
Kind Regards,
Eli Stutz
So let's review. At the core of this letter are 3 main paragraphs. Two of them are about the book. The last and shortest is about the author. Sure, he tosses in a little tagline, which is totally unnecessary, but it worked here, so I'll leave it alone. Let's go through each paragraph:
- The first paragraph introduces our main character and the set-up. He uses concrete things to describe Pierre. He throws in the French flair of the book right away. And he doesn't beat around the bush to tell me what Pierre has to accomplish.
- The second delves a little deeper into the plot. It gives me the complication that will drive the story forward--someone is out to stop Pierre. And then Eli accomplishes the most important trick here: he gives me some fun examples of what will happen in the book without summarizing the entire plot. That is key because I don't want to read the whole book in the query letter. But he gives me flavor.
- His bio paragraph is straight to the point, not overcrowded with his whole life history, and also ties light-heartedly right back to the subject of the book. I loved that he tried fermenting his own pickles. (He later told me they weren't very good.)
Here's the kicker. The total word count on this letter is 242 words. 242! Look how much he fits into 242 words. There's plot, character, personality and quirk. From this tightly written letter I know I'm going to get a fun, zany story. Those of you who wanted 250 words just to pitch your book, take heed! Shorter is better.
(You'll notice the book also went through a title change before I sent it out to editors. I KIDNAPPED THE PICKLE BOY was a little lengthy, and without picking it up, you'd never know Aurore is actually the narrator. But Eli came up with the adorable PICKLE IMPOSSIBLE that hit the nail on the head.)
So I hope it's clear why this letter worked. It stood out in a pile with its charm and flavor. The subject of the book matches the language and style of the letter. And Eli showed me he understands the economy of language. His word choices are deliberate, which makes me confident his book will be as tightly written.
Any questions? Leave 'em below.
Reader Comments (17)
Fantastic. So helpful to see a complete query letter than can be held up to the light, rather than just the bulleted list saying do this, don't do that. Many thanks to you and Eli!
Does it make a difference to you if queries are on plain white paper or someone's more customized letterhead?
Well, we only accept email queries, so that wouldn't apply so much to CJLA.
Thank you so much for the enlightenment,respect from over the water. Maybe this will get a few of us out of a pickle.
S.M.
Thanks for the great example. This gives me something to aspire to. And thanks to Eli for sharing his hard work with us.
That's an AWESOME query - and story premise. I'm officially jealous.
I do have a quick question. If a book is in 2nd person POV, is that something that needs to be said in the query, or should I just let the agent find out in the sample pages? I didn't plan to write something in 2nd person, but that's how it's coming out, and I know it's not a usual POV choice.
Is it safe to say that agents don't want to know if we have been published in magazines when querying for a novel? I have wondered this for some time.
Maribeth:)
Thank you for sharing a great query letter and specifically why it worked for you. It's very helpful.
After reading through all the pages of the queryfest and your comments on pitching a book in 100 words or less, "The paragraph in your query letter telling me about your book should only be this long anyway", that was my objective in a recent query I sent.
My question is this...should a query sent to your agency be closer in word count and structure to the above letter (his pitch is around 175 words), or should the author strive to pitch the book in 100 words or less? (My pitch paragraph was actually 110 words). I understand the letter itself will be more than 100 words; I am only referring to the pitch (just to clarify).
Of course, my letter is waiting in your inbox, so there's nothing I can do to change it. However, I thought this might be useful to someone reading this blog and wondering the same thing.
@Josin - Seems like a risky choice, so I'd avoid mentioning it in letter. Let the writing speak for itself. Notice how this letter doesn't say who is the narrator or what POV it's written in...it's irrevelant in a letter.
@Maribeth - I'm not that picky. Many agents say mention publication. For me, I like it when it's relevant to the actual book you're pitching me.
@Angela - Please don't be so literal. I don't count words in every letter to see how much space was devoted to the pitch. But I think this letter shows a great overall balance and economy. That's what I'm looking for.
I am touched that you all liked my query letter - thanks everyone! I must give credit to Heather Brewer, author of EIGHT GRADE BITES for sharing hers on her website and giving tips too. Though I've never spoken with Ms. Brewer, I can accurately say that she was my "query mentor". Her tagline: "If you thought eighth grade was tough, try it with fangs and a fear of garlic," made me think for hours on end, trying to hone my own. My added advice for authors is to spend much more time than you'd think was appropriate on the query letter, almost as much time as on the manuscript itself (that sounds crazy right?)! Bounce it off your friends and family incessantly until you are annoying them. Keep evolving it until it's absolutely fantastic - it's your first key into the world of publishing.
A very lucid post and thanks for stressing the 250 word limit.
Awesome! Thank you. I agree it helps to see a query in action!
Queries (or querys? ) don't have to be so sceeery anymore!
Thanks for sharing a terrific query -its simplicity is striking! Aren't you supposed to mention the genre/type of novel?
Good question. Yes, I do like to have the genre and type of novel mentioned. But I can let it slide on this one because he tells me how old the main character is, and the word count is right on target for where I'd expect a middle-grade novel to be.
Sometimes the other cues are the important bits.
~Elana
Fabulous! Thanks for sharing this incredible and humorous query letter. It is so nice to see what works in real time and does far more in helping navigate the submission catacombs than simply reading more "what not to do" blog posts.
This will be the new model by which I judge my queries! I like everything about it, especially how it feels like what you might read on the back of a book at the store. That's especially useful as now this same query is tempting me to buy the book! But hopefully I'll win my copy in your contest, so I'll wait to order.